We looked at an overview of open doors last week and established that an opportunity must meet five criteria to qualify as an open door. To be something that you want to consider, it must be:
Immediate
Affordable
Aligned
Exciting
Sustainable
Today, we are going to talk about what qualifies as an immediate opportunity.
It's Not All or Nothing
I said last time that it might seem strange to focus on something being immediate because it should be common sense, but I talk with people who are not making any moves at all because the moves they want to make are either in the past or the future all the time.
I'd like to get married, but the girl I love went to college and found a boyfriend. They are engaged now.
I hate that I got a degree in business. None of the classes I took translate well to a master's in social work.
I'm tired of my teeth hurting, but it's going to be around $15,000 to get them fixed. I don't have that kind of money.
I know it's time for a new car. It's only a matter of time before this one breaks down and leaves me stranded, but they are also expensive now. They wanted $65,000 for a truck I was looking at last week.
I'm not saying these are not legitimate problems, only that they are not fatal.
No matter how much he wants to believe it, the girl who went to college and found her fiancé is not the only girl in the world.
A degree in business might not be the best bridge to social work, but a few leveling classes will help.
You don't have to get every tooth fixed all at once.
There are a lot of different kinds of cars and trucks out there. There's a good chance he might be able to get one that's not on the verge of breaking down for less than $65,000.
These are real examples, and they illustrate the importance of looking for your next step instead of your final destination. We all fall into this for a few reasons.
For many of us, it seems like it's not worth putting in the time and energy if we aren't going to get exactly what we want out of something or if it's only going to take us one step closer to the goal. In fact, some people are intimidated by the time and energy an undertaking will take from them, so they look at these inaccessible goals and use them as an excuse not to even try.
Some of this might be self-sabotage, and some of it is the result of our instant-gratification, you-deserve-everything-right-now culture. The sense of entitlement they are intent on instilling in all of us doesn't help either. Why should I take ten steps to get something when I only want to take one?
The Trap of the Past
If I had to pick one subtle thing that causes people more trouble than they realize, it would be an exaggerated belief in the impact the past has on the present and the future.
I've gotten in trouble with this example before, but I'm going to take another shot at it.
I started drinking and using drugs a lot sooner than I should have. By the time I was in my late teens, I had a dependence on them if it wasn't a full-blown addiction. I'm comfortable saying it was definitely an addiction before it was over.
I have good parents, and I've always had good people who care about me in my life. This gave me the opportunity for things like therapy and rehab. I learned some valuable skills in those places, but I was also told that because of decisions I'd made when I was young, my present and future were mapped out for me.
These were well-intended people. They wanted to see me get clean, and they were fearful that if I got cocky, I would fall back into the things that had been causing me so much trouble. They were often right; I did sometimes fall back into those things.
One of the main reasons I fell back into them was that I would make a small mistake and believe that it meant that all the work I'd done was out the window. It was like climbing up a steep hill, slipping once, and rolling all the way back to the bottom. After I would slip like that, I always figured I might as well spend a few days (or weeks or months) at the bottom enjoying myself.
There were even times when I thought it wasn't worth it to try and get clean because it was always going to be a struggle. I felt like I was a prisoner of the decisions I made before I was even a teenager. It was debilitating.
The change came for me when I realized that the past does not have as much of an impact on the present and the future as we believe it does. Just because I drank the day before didn't mean I had to drink that day. Just because I'd slipped up a few months ago didn't mean I was going to slip up again. When I grasped the idea that every day going forward could be different than the days that had come before it, everything changed for me. I haven't struggled since.
I know this isn't a typical story, and I don't encourage people to model their recovery on it, but it worked for me. I've also seen plenty of other examples of people trapped by the belief that the past dictated their present.
Understanding this is especially important when we talk about opportunities in our lives. I cannot count how many opportunities I ignored or turned down because I had tried and failed in the past. It’s critical to understand that there's no such thing as "the way I am". We can be a different person at any moment.
If you let the past determine what choices you're going to make right now and in the future, you have decided to put a ceiling on yourself. You're choosing to ignore everything you've learned since the last time something happened, and you are choosing to put blinders on to block out anything that doesn't fit a narrative that you established a long time ago.
Recognizing that the past does not hold the present and future in a stranglehold is one of the first steps toward seeing the opportunities all around you.
The Future Isn't Real
One of the coolest things meditation taught me is that neither the past nor the future is real in any sense. Nobody's ever been to the past, and nobody's ever been to the future. When people find themselves in those places, it's their present.
We can see this with the past because the events have already happened. It gives it a concrete reality, and we know we can't do anything about it, forcing a kind of acceptance onto us.
The future is a different story because it's out in front of us and it's wide open. It's even more intangible than the past, and it does feel like we will arrive there at some point. This is an illusion.
The future will be the present when you get there.
No one has ever done anything in the future. They've made decisions that impacted the future, but by the time those decisions began to make a difference, it was the present.
We cannot do anything outside of right now. We can be wise about our decisions so they have the best chance of turning out well in the future, but we can only make those decisions and do those wise things right now.
Immediacy Matters
This is why open doors must be immediate. An opportunity is not an opportunity if you cannot seize it because it's in the past or if you have to wait until it is possible or available. Those are closed doors right now.
The biggest problem with these closed doors is that they masquerade as useful ways to spend our time. Our brain gets satisfaction from problem-solving about things that went wrong in the past and making plans (dreaming) about the future.
When we are looking at closed doors, we are not looking at open doors. We can even close an open door by jumping into the future.
I'd love to be in better shape, but walking every day isn't going to get me there as quick as I want. I'd rather wait until the kids are in school and I can go to the gym.
I want to work in the lumber department at Home Depot but they only have openings for cashiers. I guess I'll stay here at this job I hate until they are hiring.
It is amazing how our brains can sabotage us from taking the first step by telling us it somehow makes the last step further away or tricking us into thinking some kind of magical intervention is going to whisk us into the air and gently put us down at our destination.
Do Something
Here are some immediate opportunities most of us can take advantage of:
· Find networking opportunities you can attend for free and that are geographically possible for you. They may not be ideal, but they are going to be better than sitting at home watching whatever crappy Game of Thrones-type show is big right now.
· Move your body. Maybe it's a short walk. Maybe it's a long walk. Maybe it's a yoga flow on YouTube. It doesn't matter. Something is better than nothing.
· Save some money. Maybe it's $5 by not stopping at a coffee shop, or maybe it's $100 by cutting the streaming services you aren't using. It may not feel like a lot, but it's more than you had saved, and over time, it can snowball into something cool.
Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good (or the amazing).
Journal Prompts
What opportunities have I missed because I was too focused on past mistakes or future goals?
How can I shift my focus to seize immediate opportunities?
What small, actionable steps can I take today toward a goal that feels distant or overwhelming?
How will taking this step impact my present situation?
Am I delaying opportunities because I'm waiting for a "perfect" future moment?
How can I embrace the value of incremental progress?
Are there any opportunities I've labeled as "closed doors" because they didn't align perfectly with my expectations?
How can I reframe these situations to find immediate actions I can take?
How much of my daily thought process is spent dwelling on the past or planning for the future?
In what ways might I be sabotaging my progress by overthinking or overplanning?
How can I take a more proactive approach to seizing immediate opportunities?
What can I do today that might not be perfect but will move me closer to my goals?
As always, thank you so much for reading. Next week we'll talk about what I mean when I say that open doors have to be affordable.
Take care,
James
That was amazing and so well-timed for me
Thank you, James. I echo Meredith's comment.