I like simple things.
The things that have helped me the most have been simple.
Stay in your lane.
Stop talking.
Apologize when you are wrong.
Surround yourself with people smarter than yourself and listen to them.
Be honest.
Don't believe everything you think.
Simple things changed my life more profoundly than a million complicated theories and practices.
This idea of walking through open doors is another simple thing that changed my life. When I learned how to recognize the opportunities around me and stop doing things that prevented me from seizing them, everything got so much easier and more exciting.
Walking through open doors is a great metaphor for how I live my life and what I help other people do. It incorporates everything I've learned over the last 20 years and my belief that there is something larger behind everything we do. It is still a metaphor, so I want to clarify what I mean by open doors.
What are Open Doors?
Open doors are opportunities that are all around us, right here and right now. The most important characteristic of open doors is that they are immediately available and accessible. They are not in the future or in the past—they are things you can do right here and now to take a step toward the room you want to be in.
You have rooms you want to be in:
Maybe you want to be married.
Maybe you want to go back to school.
Maybe you want a new job.
Maybe you want a new office or apartment.
These are all good aspirations, but they are often so far off they feel impossible, and we give up. Learning to take the next available step toward where you want to be is a game-changer. It makes our dreams accessible and turns hopes into goals, but it takes practice.
Recognizing Open Doors
The first thing you must do is know how to recognize if a door is open for you.
Some doors are not open for us. Anything in the past is closed.
Anything that we don't have the skillset for is currently closed.
Anything that takes us away from our primary goals or violates our values is closed.
We should not spend any time thinking about or crying over closed doors.
It's not always easy to see our options, especially in a culture that is intent on telling us we don't have any (remember – they make money off your misery). We'll talk more about that next week.
Here are 5 things to look for to determine if something is an option for you. We will explore each of them in depth over the next few weeks.
Open doors are
Immediate
Affordable
Aligned
Exciting
Sustainable
That doesn't spell anything because I don't want to use less effective words to be cute. If an opportunity doesn't meet these criteria, there's a good chance it's not for you.
Immediate
An opportunity must be immediate to actually be an opportunity. This seems basic, but I often work with people who are focused on opportunities they missed in the past or dreams they have for the future. Both will keep you from seeing what options you have in front of you right here and now.
We aren't discounting or neglecting the future; we are only recognizing that there are steps we can take right now. Marriage is too big of a step if you aren't even trying to date. School is too big of a step if you have an outstanding balance at another school and they won't release your transcript until it's paid. Take the first steps first.
Affordable
Open doors are affordable. They will not break the bank financially, mentally, emotionally, or physically. They may be a stretch, but they will not cause something to tear. If someone offered me the chance to run the New York marathon right now, it would not be affordable for me physically—I don't run at all, much less 26.2 miles. A 5K would be a stretch, but I could pull it off.
Nothing is worth paying too much for, and this extends beyond money. If we aren't careful, we can pay emotional costs that are not worth it. A new job that helps you buy nice things for your family isn't worth it if you never have the time to enjoy those with your family. The price is too high. It's unaffordable.
Aligned
Open doors align with the things that matter. They lead us toward the rooms we want to be in and take us a step closer to who we want to be. An opportunity is not an opportunity if it runs counter to your goals and values.
The problem is that people are often unclear on their values, which skews their goals and priorities. Because of this, I spend a lot of time helping clients clarify and refine their values before we even make plans for the future.
There is often a difference between our stated and actual values as well. When we learn to be honest with ourselves, we can be intentional about our values, and our goals and priorities will fall into place. Open doors will always be in line with our deepest and best selves.
Exciting
Open doors are exciting. We don't give this enough credit in making our decisions. So many people have been beaten down into choosing the least terrible option or guilted into sticking something out because they made their bed, and "now they have to lie in it."
Something doesn't have to suck for you to make a change. You are allowed to leave a good room for a great room. You are allowed to enjoy your life for the adventure it is instead of feeling trapped by the choices you've made or the expectations of a culture that secretly hates you. You don't have to be stuck.
This doesn't mean we make all our decisions based on the fleeting feeling of temporary newness. Open doors don't just excite us; they excite the wise people who care about us and want the best for us. If you don't have wise people, you need to find some. They will help you avoid a lot of bad decisions, and they will cheer you on in the good ones.
Sustainable
Lastly, an open door will always lead you to a room that is sustainable over the long term. It will not lead you into a room that requires you to make long-term sacrifices for some immediate and temporary gain, and it will not leverage you beyond what you can carry in your normal life.
In fact, it won't just be sustainable; it will be sustainable on your worst days. Life is life, and we cannot rely on our best selves being available 24/7, so we will not plan our future based on that. Real opportunities don't hinge on you being on fire every single day. They are realistic and incremental, so an off day or two won't wreck them.
Journal Prompts
We are going to take a deep dive into each of these over the next few weeks and months. I am excited about this idea of walking through open doors because it has legs—I already see months' worth of content, and it's all actionable. I dislike ideas that set off a few fireworks and then fizzle out or don't have any real applicability to how we live.
I want to encourage you to start looking for opportunities in your life. Walking through open doors is a mindset and a lifestyle. I didn't realize this until I started working as a therapist and saw how many people were restricted in what they thought their options were. Tunnel vision is always a problem, but it can be fatal when it's focused on how bad things are. These journal prompts might help you break out it.
Where do I feel trapped in my life?
What areas of my life or business have I been avoiding or neglecting?
Are there any resources, skills, or connections that I'm not taking advantage of?
What small actions could I take today that might lead to a significant change over time?
Who in my network might offer a fresh perspective or valuable advice on my current challenges?
Who in my network might call me out for not living up to my potential? Can I give them permission to do this?
Is there a recurring problem that, if solved creatively, could open new doors for me?
What would I do if I wasn't afraid of failure or judgment?
Am I surrounding myself with people who challenge and inspire me to grow?
What new trends or changes in my industry or community could present opportunities?
Is there a passion or interest I've put aside that could be reignited in a productive way?
What would I regret not pursuing if I looked back a year from now?
See you soon
I am excited about the future and appreciate you being here for it.
I'll talk to you soon.
Take care,
James