It's time to wrap up this series and get back on some kind of schedule. Today, we're going to flip the script and look at the things I've done throughout my life (and recently) that have made it harder to carry the weight. Some of this might be redundant to what we've already talked about, but it's a kind of reverse summary, so that's probably unavoidable.
I work hard to avoid doing things to make my life harder these days. For the most part, I am able to do this. But, I am still human, and when a bunch of things hit me at once, or my mental health starts to slip, and I don't catch it in time, there are a series of things I tend to do that make it worse.
I'm fortunate in that I'm usually able to recognize these things and make adjustments, but sometimes, it takes me a little longer to notice than it should. Here are 10 things I do that make things harder than they need to be.
Drink
I'm not against drinking. I don't think there's anything wrong with having a drink every now and then. That being said, when I'm having a hard time and allow myself to drink, it almost always creeps up in frequency and amount and becomes more and more unhelpful.
I'm fortunate that I don't get drunk and get myself in trouble, and I never drive or anything like that, but this actually masks one of the most dangerous things about drinking: it's easy for alcohol to sneak up on you and consume your life when you don't have giant glaring problems to make you rethink it. Drinking is a slow, quiet cancer if you aren't careful.
Stop Sleeping
Along with drinking, I tend to start staying up later at night so that I can have time to myself and zone out on television shows or YouTube videos. This creates a downward spiral as I get more and more tired, and each morning becomes a little foggier than the one before it. Before long, I find myself spending my days looking forward to the evening when I can shut my brain off.
Stay Inside
I don't know why, but I often stop going outside when things get hard, even though I know it's the best thing for me. I like going on walks, working in the yard, and doing things in my shed, but these things go out the window when I get self-absorbed and focused on my problems. Staying inside makes them grow until they are filling every room I'm in. Sometimes, just being out under the sky helps things float away as we remember how big the real world is.
Isolate
I haven't quite figured myself out when it comes to being social yet. I like people, and I care about everyone I meet, whether I want to or not. I spend most of my time talking with other people, having coffee, having lunch, or having people come by the house to visit. I enjoy these things, and I look forward to them, but if I'm not active and intentional about it, I spend all my time alone.
I do not feel the pull to talk to other people or to be around them the way other people tell me they do. When times get hard, my instinct is to turn inward and sort things out myself. This isolation makes the problems grow and seem bigger and more important than they are. Talking to other people helps me disperse that energy, but I stop doing that for some reason.
Distract Myself
I'm intentional about how I spend my time and what I put my attention on, but I can throw myself into television shows, video games, and long book series to distract myself when things get hard. I don't binge-watch TV shows the way I used to, but when I find a book series I enjoy, I catch myself staying up late reading it, and video games can grab me in a dangerous way if I'm not careful. I've learned not to start any of these things when times are hard.
We shouldn’t focus on our problems, but we shouldn’t run from them either. It’s okay to have hobbies, but we cannot mistake them for real life.
Feel Entitled
I don't know when or how, but I developed a strong sense of entitlement when I was younger. I felt like things should go my way and other people should do what I wanted. I felt a deep frustration when these things didn't happen.
This is less a part of my life these days, but I do notice that the little voice of entitlement and specialness tries to sneak in and have a say during difficult times. It's almost like it recognizes the opportunity to get back into the spotlight and run the show when I'm weak. This is one of the worst things any of us can do as it takes normal life circumstances and makes them unacceptable by telling us we deserve better.
Blame
Blame is the logical next step if I don't catch the voice of entitlement in time. Once I let the idea that things are unfair or should be different creep in, my brain starts trying to figure out who's to blame.
I get it—sometimes, someone else is to blame for the difficult things in our lives, but most often, they just happen. It really doesn't matter anyway because it is our responsibility to deal with how the consequences manifest in and affect our lives, whether something is somebody else's fault or not. Blame is rarely helpful.
Complain
It's a short jump from feeling entitled and blaming to starting to complain. I know this might put me back in the "toxic positivity" category (oh nos!), but I don't see the point in complaining. When we voice the things that are wrong in our lives, we reinforce them as problems in our own minds and keep ourselves focused on the things we cannot control. It's a downward spiral from there.
Constructive criticism is great.
We should all acknowledge problems so they can be solved.
Sometimes, we may need to vent (I'm on the bubble about that one. Venting seems to make people more attached to their problems).
Regardless, complaining for the sake of complaining makes us miserable.
Bypass
I don't do this all that much anymore, but over the years, bypassing has been a huge problem for me. I would often create scenarios where everything was going to be OK, or I would explain things away under the guise of fate or God's will or karma or whatever I was into at the time.
It's easy to say things like "Let go, let God" or "Everything happens for a reason" to dismiss the difficult times we are dealing with. Maybe this is on the opposite end of complaining, but it's as useless.
Bypassing what is in front of us by spiritualizing it doesn't make it go away and does not make us stronger or more resilient. It makes us more fragile as we refuse to deal with reality.
Wait for a Miracle
I've always liked movies and books where something miraculous happens and fixes everything. I get that it's lazy writing, but Superman showing up at the last minute and saving the day has always made me happy.
I did this a lot more when I was younger, but I would wait for some kind of miraculous intervention, like an epiphany from God, and I would look for it until I found it. I ended up having a bunch of "epiphanies" (that often conveniently told me what I wanted to hear,) but they usually came and went within 48 hours.
Waiting for God to fix everything makes us miss the fact that God is often most present in the difficult times in our lives and that we should not rush through them by looking for miracles that aren't really there.
There you go. Those are the things that have made difficult times more difficult for me over the years.
It's easy to maintain good habits when things are going well; making sure we do the same thing when times are tough might be even more important. It's not easy, but it's easier than the alternatives.
Thanks for reading, take care.
James
This is a great list of, not entirely unrelatable 😊, things to avoid. That staying inside thing is so true. Lots of reasons to get in the great outdoors BUT when you feel a bit low, tired etc. it's often the last thing you want. Ditto meditation, yoga, exercise, healthy eating etc. All great things. All very positive. But all so hard when you're feeling low.