Caring Isn’t Free

Everything has a cost

Our time and attention is limited.

This is the way things work.

We have to be intentional about where our time and attention go.

Priorities are All You Have

Let me get this out of the way here at the beginning: by saying something does not interest me, or I do not give it my attention, I am not saying that you should not care about it or give it your attention.

We all have things that draw us in, things that repel us, and things that are neutral or do not interest us. I am not assigning any sort of value to where your attention goes. I'm only encouraging you to stay rooted in the things that you can impact and to understand that your time, attention, and caring are limited resources.

I am interested in everything.

This has been a problem for me over the years as I chase rabbit trails and learn a lot about new topics that I don't need to know anything about.

A few years back, I spent three months learning everything I could about Asatru (the modern worship of the Norse gods). It was fascinating, but at the end of three months, I realized I had spent a lot of time and energy learning a lot of information that I could not use.

This would have been fine, except that it took time and energy away from the things that could have been moving the needle in my life. Being interested in everything is as dangerous as being uninterested in everything.

The Elephant in the Room

I'm writing this about 12 days after the 2024 American presidential election. I've spent the last 10 days having almost nonstop conversations with people about the election, many of whom are concerned about the future.

 Even the people I know who voted for Trump have a sense of uncertainty and anxiety about what's coming. The only difference I see is that their anxiety tips a little more toward excitement while the other side is experiencing despair.

My equanimity here has not been helpful to people, so I took off writing about it last week. Politics is one of those things that either repels me or I am neutral about. I don't have the power or the money to have any impact, and I dislike everyone I see on the national stage. Thinking you have what it takes to run this country should disqualify you from being allowed to run it.

It's not that politics don't impact me. I don't want to get into the personal details, but many of the decisions of the current administration impacted my family, and I see many of the decisions of the incoming administration potentially doing the same. I have been concerned for myself, my family, my friends, and my loved ones, and I remain concerned for myself, my family, my friends, and my loved ones.

I'm not above politics, but I am a nonentity and do not matter to the people in politics. I do not allow things that I have no control over to take my time, energy, and attention away from the things that I do have control over. This bothers some people, but I do not know what to tell them.

Caring Doesn’t Equal Impact

But James, you have to care!

Let's do a thought experiment.

This very instant, I start caring a whole, whole lot.

I am either blissful or enraged about the results of the election.

I am either thrilled or terrified about what's to come.

I am either driving around playing  “Proud to Be an American” with my windows down or tweeting (X-ing?) about the death of the Republic.

 I am posting vague emojis and songs in my Instagram story.

I use this week's blog to sing about the changes that are coming or to rant about how stupid 51% of this country is.

I do all of those things.

I get worked up.

I am a political force of nature.

And

nothing

is

any

different.

Maybe some people subscribe to my blog because I take a stand, and others unsubscribe because of what I've said.

I make some people happy, and I make other people mad. Maybe I gain a few friends, maybe I lose some others.

Nothing of any substance has changed.

The results of the election are the same.

The condition of the country is the same.

The condition of the world is the same.

The only change that has occurred is that I have failed to do the things that have been given to me. I have failed to take care of the responsibilities that are mine because I prioritized things that were not mine. The world remains as it was, while my life is worse.

I'm not willing to make that exchange.

This is not apathy, defeatism, or sticking my head in the sand. I don't have strong opinions about things that are outside my control, and I do not let them divert me from the things that are.

Donald Trump has never heard of me and does not care what I have to say. This is true of Kamala Harris, JD Vance, Nancy Pelosi, Mitch McConnell, and everyone else in Washington as well.

Hell, my state representative used to be my landlord and he has no idea who I am.

I have not been given power or influence in the political world, and I don't think I would want it if I was. Every person I see and every plan they have has fatal flaws that keep me from getting behind it. I will do my part as a citizen of this country and then move on because there's nothing else I can do. I will go about my daily life as best I can while the people who think they are smart enough to run the show go about theirs.

Caring Isn’t Free

I'm not immune to emotional responses.

I struggle with my mental and emotional responses to things.

That's why I take it so seriously. I work hard not to be messy because I am the messiest person I know when I let it get out of hand.

The election was an easy topic for this because it just happened, but most things that eat up our mental and emotional energy are smaller and closer to home.

Barbara was in a car wreck about two weeks ago. She is fine. It wasn't her fault, but we've had to total her car, so we are buying a new one. Her car was paid off, so we are going to have a car payment now. The process of finding a new car has been time-consuming at a time when I don't feel like I have any extra time. This is beyond my control. I’m grateful my wife is okay and I'm not going to have an opinion about the rest.

They're putting a roof on at my office. It has been loud and disruptive to the meetings that I have. The new roof will look nice, and I assume it must be necessary if the owner is willing to take on the expense. I choose not to have an opinion about this.

Lubbock is growing, and there's getting to be a lot of traffic. It feels like every road is under construction all the time. This seems to be true for the entire state of Texas. No one has consulted me about city management or the influx of people moving to our state. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing, but it is happening, so I choose not to have an opinion on it.

I have been in a lot of pain lately. I may have torn a tendon near my elbow, and compensating for that may have led to a pinched nerve in my back. I cannot prioritize addressing these issues right now, and I'm not a fan of the interventions they've offered so far anyway. There's nothing I can do about this. I choose not to have an opinion about it.

Notice that I do have an opinion on the interventions they offered me. I don't want surgery, and I don't want to take painkillers, so I will not do either. My opinion will not help the pain, but my opinion about the interventions is something within my control.

It's cold, and the sun is going down early. A lot of my day is spent in darkness, and this affects my mood and often leads to anxiety and a sense of depression. God has yet to consult me about seasons or the weather. I don't know much about how these things work, so I don't think I would have a strong opinion even if he did.

Opinions Have a Cost

I cannot afford to have opinions on too many things, especially when my opinion doesn’t change anything.

I cannot afford to forego the things I want to do and the things that I feel called to do to spend time on things that I don't want to focus on and that I do not feel called to be involved in. We all have to choose where we spend our time and energy, and we cannot let what everybody else thinks is important have too much of an impact on that.

I get that you may not agree with my lack of interest in the election and our political system as a whole. If it's something you feel strongly about and believe you can have an impact, please pursue that. We need good people doing good things.

Caring isn’t free. Opinions have a cost. They eat up your time and energy.

Save them for the things you can have an impact on.

Care about the things that care about you.

Put your time and energy into the things that you can impact. Use your talents and abilities to make a difference in the world instead of screaming into the void.

Maybe that's politics, cooking, or gardening. Maybe it’s old cameras or helping people trapped in sex trafficking. I don’t know what you are called to do, but you cannot pursue that calling if you care too much about everything else.

You Have Time

I do not allow myself to say I don't have time for things. When we say we don't have time for something, we are excusing our agency in the choices we make. Instead, train yourself to say, "That's not a priority right now," and see if you are OK with that statement.

I am 100% comfortable saying that politics, the news, and pop culture are not a priority for me right now, and I do not feel like I need to apologize for that.

I am not comfortable saying that time with my kids or time spent building my business are not priorities for me right now. I am taking ownership of how I spend my time by refusing to say that I don't have time for those things.

We all have the same number of hours in a day. Our power lies in how we spend them.

Journal Prompts

·      What matters to me? How can I make more room for it in my life?

·      Where do I feel pressure to have opinions?

·      When was the last time I got pulled into something beyond my control? What were the consequences?

·      What do I feel called to do? How can I prioritize it over other distractions?

·      How do external expectations influence my choices, and what would it look like to resist them?

·      How much energy do I spend on things outside my control?

·      Where do I want to direct my attention? What do I need to remove from my life to make space for it?

·      What does “intentional living” mean to me? How can I better embody it in my day-to-day life?

Until Next Time

Care about the things you care about and put your time and energy into the things you think are most important. Be mindful of other people, but don't let them dictate where your time and energy should be directed.

I know there are a million things we are supposed to care about and focus on, but people are built differently. The world is comprised of cool people doing a bunch of cool stuff.

Focus on yours.

James