Carry That Weight: Choose Hope
Dall-E, can you draw a dramatic picture of someone choosing hope over despair?
I don't love using myself as an example for these things, but I'm also wary of telling other people's stories, especially when using them as a negative example. I do always feel anxious after I post something that talks about me though.
Let's do it anyway.
I have struggled with mental health for most of my life. I've been upfront about this. In retrospect, I can recognize that I was anxious and depressed as a kid, but that wasn't something that was such a common topic of discussion in the 80s. I actually think it's way too common of a discussion these days. The pendulum always swings too far.
I hated my teenage years and early 20s. I was a mess, and everyone could see this. I was insecure, so I tried to be something I wasn't. I was also completely self-absorbed, so I didn't realize I was insecure and trying to be something I wasn't. By the time I was in my early 20s, I had issues with drugs and alcohol, none of which helped my mental health.
When I started straightening my life up, I decided that cynicism was the easiest way to look smart, so I invested in it. It even seemed like a step up for me because instead of hating everyone and everything in the world, I became condescending about everything and everyone in the world. It's easy to feel like you are smarter than everyone else by tearing things down.
As I continued to make good choices, my life got easier, and the world seemed to be a better place. I re-encountered the idea of Positive Mental Attitude from punk rock (the Bad Brains, to be specific), and it changed how I saw things. I realized that my perspective wasn't only a reflection of my world; it also shaped it, so I was perceiving what I created.
I know I recently wrote about this, but I am compelled to say it again because people are so invested in stupid therapy-ish buzzwords right now: I'm not talking about toxic positivity. I am talking about choosing how you will see things and then watching as those things become more and more common until they seem like the norm.
My life is still not perfect. I've written about how several deaths over the last few years and some health problems have impacted me. I have been really depressed ever since having COVID in December, and I've had a few things happen in my personal life that have kicked my legs out from underneath me. As the world seems to get a little darker and more difficult, I am often tasked with helping people with unsolvable problems.
I don't like any of this. I don't seek it out. My identity is not invested in my suffering, but it's still there. I'm aware of this. I'm aware of the suffering around me. I can't escape it - one of my roles in life seems to be as someone who people call when the shit hits the fan.
That's why I said to choose hope in the title. I'm not saying to be hopeful or to have hope because sometimes those things are not possible. I have, however, learned that our perspective is a choice that is untethered to external circumstances. When I say choose hope, I am encouraging you to use your will as a human and make a choice, not to sit back passively and hope that it lands on you like a dove or butterfly or anything else that sounds like a Natasha Bedingfield song.
It's always been strange, but some of the most peaceful and hopeful people I've met have been in dire circumstances. Hope grows anywhere people let it, including in situations worse than anything I can imagine. You hear about hope carrying people through the loss of a child, life-threatening illness, drug addiction, prison, and even things like war. If it works for them, it can work for us.
Maybe I'm stupid. Maybe I have my head in the sand. Maybe I'm spiritual bypassing. Maybe I'm just overflowing with toxic positivity. I'm not so self-centered that I can't acknowledge that those things may be accurate, but I always notice that I am happier and more at peace than the people who accuse me of them.
It's not just about me either - being happy and at peace frees me up to help the people around me who need help. We aren't supposed to admit this, but suffering fosters self-absorption, which leads to more suffering. It's a nasty cycle. Hope helps me escape it.
Some Quick Housekeeping
I am enjoying asking Dall-E to create pictures for these posts, especially since our topics tend to be abstract. I couldn't choose between the responses for a "melodramatic picture of someone choosing hope," so I'm sharing an extra one today.
I forgot to mention that we are abandoning our normal format for a month or two to focus on ways that we can better carry the weight of life because I've gotten a lot of good feedback about it, and I keep coming up with new things that might be useful for everyone.
Thank you all. I am grateful for your time and attention. I've got quite a few posts scheduled for this topic, and I will answer some reader questions this month. Let me know if you have one, and I will add it to the list.
Take care.
James