Quotes
“Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time; what we really want is for things to remain the same but get better.”
Sydney J. Harris
"Change before you have to."
Jack Welch
This first post is a bit of an experiment since I haven't done much on Substack yet. If you see things that are not working or do not look right, please let me know.
A Simple Way to Have a Good Life
This week's simple way to have a good life is to embrace change.
It's easy to get locked into a certain way of doing things. As a species, we dislike change. Our ancestors made changes in response to unfortunate or catastrophic events. You didn't travel unless you were looking for food or a new place to live. You didn't move unless a new tribe had invaded or a bear had decided that your cave was now a bear cave.
No matter how modern, fancy, and cool we think we are, we all have the voice of our ancestors inside of us. This makes change - even good change - scary. This is all fine for the things that don't matter or are healthy for us. I don't like water and have no use for the ocean. This doesn't bother me because I live in the desert and going on a cruise doesn't sound like any fun. I will address this fear if I ever move close to the ocean or find myself avoiding something I want to do because it involves the water.
I'm also a big fan of healthy routines (which, by their very nature, are anti-change) and think they are the anchor for a good life. My morning routine is the most important part of my day, and I do everything I can to prioritize it. It takes a few hours that I could be using for other things, but I wouldn't trade it for any of them. My routine does not change based on circumstances.
So, we can say that change for the sake of change is not necessarily a good thing. But, not embracing change becomes destructive when it's time to address the things that are not working in our lives.
An Example
Change is often necessary. We do so many things without considering whether or not they are healthy for us. When my thyroid went haywire in November, I continued to drink coffee every morning for the first five or six days. Then I noticed that my day, which had already started off terribly, got worse after I drank coffee. I did some research and learned that hyperthyroidism and caffeine are not good partners.
I quit drinking coffee, exchanging it for green tea with a lot less caffeine. But once I started feeling a little better, I started drinking coffee again. I did this for two days, and they were terrible. I was exhausted and irritable, my stomach was queasy, and everything felt like an ordeal. I hadn't embraced the no-coffee change, so I was really just waiting to go back to it. Now I enjoy my green tea and have no intention of going back.
A Practice
Look at your life and make note of the things that you do every single day. Ask yourself if they are benefitting you or not. Be ruthlessly honest about this – don't let your brain make excuses or trick you with false associations.
You just don't understand, James. Yes, I'm exhausted from staying up to binge my show every night, but it's the only time I have to do what I want.
The problem there is being exhausted. Reality doesn't care why you only get 4 hours of sleep a night. You are going to be miserable regardless. Take an honest inventory and make an agreement with yourself to take action.
If there's something that you eat or drink that makes you feel poorly after you eat or drink it, consider stopping or replacing it with something else.
If you are often late, get up or leave a little earlier.
If you find that scrolling social media keeps you up late, delete the apps off your phone.
If you drink too much every time you go to the club, stop going to the club.
It's a lot simpler than our mind likes to tell us. There are millions of things that hinder us throughout our lives. When you learn to be honest with yourself about what they are and you do not allow yourself to make excuses for them, things can start to get better. You have to embrace change to do this, though. The mind will work overtime to keep you doing what you've always been doing.
Journal Prompts
How do I see change? Does it scare me? Make me anxious?
What are some things in my life I know I need to change? What is keeping me from changing
them?
How often does my mind trick me with false associations? How often do I allow myself to be tricked because I don't want to make a necessary change?
What are the stories I tell myself to avoid necessary changes? What good things are these stories preventing me from having in my life?
A Request (or Four)
I want this newsletter to start well and improve from there. I want it to be useful and applicable to your life, and I could use your help with both of these goals. So:
I would appreciate any ideas or suggestions for things I can write about that would be useful to you.
I would like to ask you to send me questions I can answer for a monthly section. I won't comment on controversial issues, but most everything else is fair game. This newsletter is about simple ways to have a good life, and I stay in my lane. I have a few in the bank, but I can always use more.
I would appreciate it if you would consider writing a little blurb that I can post to help promote this. I've decided to confront my fear of failure and distaste for self-promotion and see if I can make something out of this. The encouragement I got from people when they emailed me after signing up for this newsletter has motivated me to take this next step. These blurbs are little one or two-sentence recommendations that appear at the bottom of the page when someone considers subscribing to this newsletter. I will probably use them on a landing page once I build one as well (I will also save them in the little file on my computer that I open and read when I'm feeling discouraged).
If you know of anybody who might benefit from this newsletter, I would appreciate it if you would take a moment to pass this link on to them. The people who find their way to me by word of mouth are almost always my favorite people to work with and write for.
Memento Mori
I want to say thank you again. It was validating to have so many people sign up for the newsletter so quickly. I did not expect it, and it brightened my entire week.
We will revisit this on the 15th when we talk about how change is actually the fundamental nature of everything and how embracing change is embracing reality.
Until then, remember that this all ends. I've been thinking a lot about the people I've lost over the past few years, and more than anything else, I remember how they treated people and how they made me feel. I don't think about their careers or the money they had or what they accomplished.
Treat the people around you in the way you want to be remembered.
Thanks for reading.
James