A Quick Note for Paid Subscribers:
Many of you signed up for founding and yearly subscriptions on January 20th and 21st of last year.
I do not know if Substack does automatic renewals, but I wanted to make everyone aware that those dates are approaching so that you do not get hit with a charge you were not expecting. It is much easier to cancel a membership before it renews than it is to contact support for a refund.
I am grateful to everyone who pays to read these things I write, but I want it to be the result of an intentional choice rather than the passive acceptance of a charge you forgot to cancel or a worry that I will notice that you did not renew. I love you no matter what, spend your time and money wisely and well.
Know Your Rules
I've been thinking a lot lately about my lifelong reputation for being stubborn and rebellious. To some extent, it's earned, but there's an element of it rooted in the fact that I've always followed rules. They just had to be my own.
Most of the things that made people see me as rebellious came from following a cardinal rule that nobody got to tell me what to do. I followed this rule and resisted things even when I knew they would benefit me.
I recognized this a few years back and stopped following that rule. Everything got a lot easier. I still follow rules, some chosen, some that seem to be wired into me.
Here are a few that seem to be wired into me:
If I am not 5 minutes early, I am late.
Sleeping past 5 am is oversleeping.
I must work on something I care about every day.
Time in the car is valuable. Use it to learn something.
I am responsible for my response in every situation. There are no exceptions.
It is better to inconvenience myself than inconvenience others.
Not everyone will agree with these. I'm not sure I agree with them 100%, but they are there. By being conscious of them, I've found that I can negotiate with them when I need to, and that they benefit me in most situations.
I uncover new rules pretty often. I noticed I have fallen into a set of rules regarding this newsletter. It bothered me not to send it out on the 1st of this month because of Covid. I felt like I was doing something wrong, even though everyone was 100% supportive. It's the way I'm wired.
None of these rules are positive or negative in and of themselves. They have benefited me in many ways, especially since I work for myself and have to hustle to keep my head above water.
It can be hard to always feel like I need to work on something, but it's also the only way to stay afloat as a coach. There are no qualifications or restrictions on calling yourself a coach, so the profession is flooded with people who may have good intentions but have no business trying to make a living off of them.
I have to work hard to overcome the negative perception that coaches like that create on top of trying to help people understand why I am worth their time and money. These rules that I live by might drive other people insane, but they have allowed me to carve out a niche in a difficult business, and I am grateful for that. They also helped me get free from drugs and alcohol now that I think about it. That’s probably why I am so attached to them.
That said, all rules can become a problem if we do not give ourselves the freedom to use our rational minds to disregard them when necessary or if we do not regularly reexamine them to make sure they are still appropriate. We all live by rules; we just need to know what they are so we can be intentional about following or breaking them.
Journal Prompts
Do I tend to be a rule follower or a rule breaker?
What rule(s) am I following when I decide to break other rules?
What rules am I aware of following?
What are some hidden rules that I may follow without realizing it?
Are these rules valid?
Until Next Time
I can't exaggerate how grateful I am for everyone who has followed this newsletter over the last year and for the overwhelming support when I first started it. I hope it has been worth the money you spent on it, but I want to encourage you to spend that money elsewhere if it has not, even if we know each other in "real life."
Your time, attention, and energy are precious resources. They are not unlimited. Make sure you are using them in ways that most benefit yourself and everyone around you.
We will get back on our regular schedule starting in February. It feels like the lingering effects of Covid are slowly easing up on me, so I am confident I'll be back in the swing of things by then. Thank you for your compassion and patience.
Take care,
James