I've written half a million words in newsletters throughout the years. I'm reviewing and revising old posts and publishing them here as free posts.
I've been told I'm a perfectionist, but I'm probably just a coward.
I've learned that it's a lot easier to say that I didn't publish a blog, give a talk, or record a podcast because I couldn't get it to be the way I wanted it to be, rather than admitting that I wanted to avoid the potential criticism that comes with actually doing these things.
Ok - I do have a perfectionistic streak, but trying to avoid criticism is a big reason I let myself hate everything I create, too. My mind kills most of my ideas before they see the light of day.
"What business do you have talking about embracing your fate when I heard you complain about how hot it was just last week?"
"Who are you to say anything about being mindful when you played video games for two hours yesterday?"
"You can work with people on their marriage and parenting skills when you learn to be a decent husband and father yourself."
"Meditation classes? You only sat for 10 minutes this morning, you fraud."
This goes on and on. It leads to the belief that I shouldn't even attempt something unless it's bulletproof (and I'm bulletproof, too), and this keeps me from doing the things I need to do in the time I need to do them.
I am not sure I would have ever had the nerve to open my own office if I hadn't been forced to step out on my own. My mind offered some valid reasons to be wary about leaving my comfortable private university nest.
"What if people are only coming to see you because you are free as part of their tuition? It's a whole different world when people have to pay to see you. I am not sure you are good enough."
"You don't have any business sense, what happens when you run your office into the ground?"
"You have a lifetime job right now, why would you give that up? Careers like this don't come around for people like you very often."
"You don't know anything about insurance or marketing or making forms, and you aren't organized enough to maintain your own schedule."
These could have been true, but people seeing my business fail would have been worse than it actually failing. I like working. I'll pick up a shovel tomorrow if this counseling/meditating thing falls through, but people seeing me fail makes me cringe (which is weird because a bunch of people have seen me fail a bunch of times).
The only way to avoid criticism is to keep quiet and avoid doing anything (until someone calls you on not doing anything with your talents, I suppose). This has been my unstated plan so far, but I am pushing against this.
Thoughts of failure may always creep in, but they are not valid reasons to quit. I want to delete this entire blog because it might be muddled: are we talking about a fear of criticism, the perfect as the enemy of the good, self-judgment, or something else? Is it too choppy? Too wordy? What if this changes the way someone sees me for the worse?
These are all possibilities, but I'll wind up with nothing if I aim for bulletproof. There are no perfect things, and if there were, it would be difficult for anyone to connect with them.
Are there goals or dreams you are sacrificing because of a fear of criticism?
Are you hiding behind perfectionism?
What would you be doing if you were free of worry about what other people might think?
Thank you for reading.
James